Zombie cowboys invaded CPR Communications in Elmwood Park, New Jersey this afternoon. Eyewitnesses of the mayhem describe the alleged perpetrators as an Asian male and a Caucasian female with freshly cropped blonde hair. Victims include a sun-tanned young women with perfectly manicured nails and a colorfully tattooed pin-up model.
Upon hearing about the horrific scene on local radio, a Starbucks barista made her way to the second floor of 475 Market Street and attempted to fend off the zombies with cappuccinos. The unruly bunch threw them in her face and demanded pumpkin spice lattes. The defeated barista fled the scene, leaving Humpty Dumpty standing by a wall.
Unable to cope with the situation, the giant egg cracked but was rescued by a massive gorilla that climbed in through the window.
The zombies were last seen sinking their teeth into mummy cupcakes and vegan brownies. Local authorities urge Bergen county residents to stay indoors and board up all entrances to their homes.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN FROM THE CPR STAFF!